Why conform or nonconform?
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My personal terms & definitions;
emotional boundary; is the point at which fear of the unknown, is greater than the self determination to leave one's comfort zone.
fear as the acronym; F.E.A.R.; 'False Expectations Appearing Real',
as my mind does not know the future? Why does it make a prediction of a future outcome? i.e. expectation of an event before it happens? This mechanism of the mind is a means of holding me in a known previously safe set of boundaries, hence stopping me from exploring the unknown (or being in the present moment).
self esteem; is a measure of ones comfort zone (self acceptance). e.g. The more comfortable a person is with any given situation, the higher their self esteem.
socially acceptable; where one gives up there own individuality, by deliberately expressing the social rules & norms of a given social group, in order to be accepted by that group. The fix (or reinforcement) I & many others derive from this process? Is to receive acknowledgement (verbal or body language), supporting their involvement in the social group. To me this is often a repressive outcome, what do you feel about this?
stress; to me is a conflict between what I would love to do & what I believe others expect of me?
i.e. going to "work" (work; being a repetitive, mundane experience), to pay bills rather than enjoying a day at the beach (possible outcome of going to the beach may be; an encounter with a person who offers you work that is more entertaining &/or rewarding?).
negative & positive (both subjective terms), to me the use of these words implies some emotional sabotage? From my perspective "a positive" outcome is only one specific set of events, while "a negative" outcome is every event except the one considered "positive"? The odds of achieving your desired goal (assuming you refer to it as a "positive" outcome) is minimal? My own way of dealing with this is to say every thing is only an event, not placing an emotional value on any given outcome.
Nonconfrom is not about trying to get other people's attention.
It is about resolving internal emotional conflicts with in myself arising from limiting social rules or taboos. Example; there is a dress code for men & women in every day social situations, which are not expressed in written rules or signs (though are apparent by the shop front & magazine displays of clothes & imagery), which are replicated through the fashions on the streets.
If I wear clothing which does not follow this fashion i.e. when I wear pyjamas (clothes for sleeping in) in a busy supermarket, then the body language of other shoppers quickly triggers in me a self conscious feeling (uneasy, awkwardness)? Why do I get this?
Obviously conditioning from my early child hood till now, has reinforced a feeling of worthlessness, telling me that I must conform in order to feel ok?
I label this as; "validating myself according to how other people react to me".
This phenomenon to me, is the reason for all the social groupings with in a society.
Though as I have experienced many social situations & confronted many fears relating to my self-worth, now realize that this process is totally unnecessary.
I now validate myself according to how I feel i.e. if the day is sunny & pleasant as well as there are no obvious emotional obstacles to overcome? My feeling will be laidback, happy & outgoing. If I choose to wear non-conventional clothing, this feeling remains as I take no notice of the controlling body language of others around me.
Am aware this is how many fashions start, by some one (usually of high status) breaking conventions while remaining comfortable in public.
For those of you, who are familiar with the work of Jane Elliott; "Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes" concept, I believe that it is possible to come to an understanding of the potency of our childhood conditioning.
expectation; is a prediction of a future outcome, which the mind emotionally colours as having a high probability of occurring.
As the mind does not know the future? This construction must be based on past experiences.
Expectations are part of a conservative process designed to reduce the need to communicate. i.e. as the mind has already predicted (& emotionally coloured) the future outcome? It appears that there is no need to ask potentially confronting questions which may clarify the future event.
Expectation is a process used by my mind, of avoiding potential fearful situations as well as uses to stop me from exploring my unknown.
My definition of Truth; The degree of best fit of data coming into my mind from my reality, superimposed onto an unconscious philosophical model of reality, which is interpreted in my mind as a feeling.
This model of truth appears to exists outside myself & is common to all individuals. We use this model every day to determine if some one is telling a lie or expressing some thing which may be of value to us or not?
A person who has experienced & successfully overcome many confronting situations may have a more developed model of truth than say a young child, the consequence of having more life experience (hence a more developed model of truth) may appear as confidence or higher self-esteem an individual exhibits.
Simple example of this model of truth; If I point out a wooden construction positioned near a table, which has 4 wooden upright legs upon which a platform sits & call this construction a "chair"?
You look at the construction & see it fits your model of a "chair" (feels ok) than we have an agreement and so I say the term "chair" is a truth.
Though if I point to a plant growing out side the building to you, which I describe as having a yellow trunk & purple leaves, I call it a "tree"?
You say your model of a "tree" has brown trunk and green leaves? hence your feeling about what I have described is an uneasy feeling of agreement & that is, because the structure is in agreement, though the colour is not (partial truth = unsure or not complete agreement).
happiness; My feeling is that happiness is a situation where I experience "a window" of objective bliss, (where objective bliss is my underlying state of mind). Happiness is evident, when I am not confronted by any fears or expectations & therefore no obvious emotional conflicts have to be dealt with in my mind/body. Similarly happiness can be triggered when specific trust & emotional support is present.
To give an example of this, look at children under the age of 12 months old (not children from parents with drug or alcohol related conditions etc.,) & most of these children exhibit happiness on a daily basis, with smiles and facial/ body gestures. These children are too young to have acquired large amounts of conditioning (conflict). To me these children are expressing some of the experience of "objective bliss".
Buddhism philosophy, appeals to me though am not Buddhist.
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